Victims of Man-Made Systems

How an 'Alhaja' would rather suffocate her baby than show skin

A few weeks ago, I attended a tech event, and a woman was incredibly rude to me.

If it weren't for the Spirit of God in me, things might have taken a different turn.

I could have easily knocked her legs out from under her, leaving her face-down on the ground.

Her wig? I would have snatched it off and tossed it to the farthest corner of the room.

Her glasses wouldn’t have stood a chance either, I’d have stomped on them with all my strength, shattering them into pieces.

I even pictured stepping back, then charging forward with full force to ram into her.

She had the nerve to deny me the food being served at the event.

But I handled the situation like a woman of God, I simply told her she was being rude and asked her to apologize.

This post is about how people have become slaves to the systems set up by mere men.

Men who are dead and long gone.

Men who have realized the error of their ways and have turned a new leaf.

Men who are because of their hardened hearts languishing in poverty and stricken with age and negative mindsets.

I cringe every time I see someone act out of a lack of understanding.

I’m tired of the way and manner we live our lives.

I’m tired of being subjected to rules, policies, ideologies, and regulations made by someone who, at the point of making these rules, didn’t have a 5-year plan for their life.

One day, while heading to a business and personal development training in Lagos, I boarded a keke (tricycle) en route to my destination.

The driver unexpectedly delayed our journey, and I began to wonder why. Curious, I leaned out to see what was causing the hold-up.

I noticed a woman standing by the keke, negotiating the fare with the driver. After a few moments, she walked away.

To my surprise, the driver moved forward slightly and gestured for her to sit on his left side, apparently, they knew each other.

Now, if you've ever been in a keke in Lagos or anywhere in Nigeria, you'd know that drivers typically don’t allow passengers to sit on their left side, only on the right.

When they do, it’s usually reserved for a friend, an *agbero* (street thug), or a fellow keke driver whose vehicle has broken down.

But this young woman sat on the left, a notoriously uncomfortable and unsafe seat, with her body halfway out of the tricycle.

I grew concerned, not only because of the discomfort but also the danger of her precarious position. She seemed completely unfazed, casually leaning out to call to passersby.

When she eventually got down, the other passengers, equally puzzled, asked the driver why she had been sitting there.

He explained that she didn’t have money for the fare.

She sold sweets and biscuits by the roadside, and he often gave her a lift out of pity whenever she couldn’t afford the ride.

That she is married, has children, and now has the responsibility to provide for them.

I reflected on it, realizing she might be another victim of societal expectations, whether from parental ideologies, cultural norms, or even religious beliefs.

Someone in her life likely imposed the notion that she must have children and work tirelessly to support them.

She is a victim of man-made beliefs.

It saddens me deeply when I see how people live their lives, especially when it's clear they’re under pressure from someone or something.

I find it disheartening when people are forced into lifestyles, belief systems, or ideologies that don’t serve them or benefit society in the long run.

Lately, what’s been bothering me the most is how so many young women choose to dress.

Who says you have to wear a crop top and show your belly? Or wear a short skirt that doesn’t cover you properly when you walk?

Who decided this? K-drama stars? K-pop idols? Ayra Starr? Really?

If you’re reading this and you wear those outfits, or you know someone who does, just understand that you’re under pressure, pressured by these figures and trends to wear clothes that undermine your femininity.

I recently saw a lady in the mall tugging at her jeans just to show more of her stomach. But for what purpose?

You are a victim of man-made dress codes.

Let’s not even get into the topic of ‘modesty,’ which some have completely misconstrued.

The other day, on the bus, I saw a woman drenched in sweat under the scorching Saturday sun.

Now, it’s normal for anyone to sweat in that heat, but this woman was wearing the full Muslim attire, completely covered.

Why? Perhaps because she’s married and believes it shows loyalty to her husband (who, by the way, might have several other wives at home), or maybe she’s doing it to honour God.

I wasn’t even upset about her clothing choice; what bothered me was that she had a baby with her.

I could see the baby’s outline beneath the layers of fabric, wriggling, squirming, and clearly uncomfortable.

Some of the women on the bus expressed concern, but 'Mrs. Modesty' didn’t seem to care.

I silently prayed that the baby wouldn’t suffocate, that the child wouldn’t suffer because its mother was trapped by the expectations of religion.

Perhaps she believed it was a sin to show her baby’s skin.

A victim of man-made religious beliefs.

My Pastor would say “Religion is more dangerous than the devil”. He’s right.

Many people are trapped by misguided religious beliefs, thinking they are serving God when, in reality, they are unknowingly following the misinformed decisions of men.

The other day, I went out for evangelism with our youth church, handing out flyers for our upcoming event.

As I approached people, street thugs, bus conductors, and others, some accepted the flyers, while others didn’t.

I positioned myself strategically to hand out as many flyers as possible.

A woman walked by, and as I stretched out the flyer to her, she paused, looked at it, and asked, “Is this for a church?” I replied, “Yes.” She took it and examined it closely.

To be honest, the flyer didn’t look like a typical church flyer, and that was intentional.

The event was called Friday Nite Live, where we sing, dance, and party in the Holy Ghost.

It was specifically designed for young people, showing them that partying in the name of Jesus is far more fulfilling than doing it in a club.

The flyer must have caught her off guard because she took it and walked away, puzzled. She was a victim of religious conditioning, she asked if it was for church before taking it, clearly hesitant to engage with anything non-religious.

But when she saw the image of the DJ biting a chain on the flyer, it threw her off completely. See the image below for reference.

Perhaps being religious is better because the alternative is truly frightening.

It’s better to have the fear of God within you than to live recklessly, as if you have nine lives to spare.

It’s disturbing to witness how the ungodly live.

One Sunday morning, on my way to Church, I saw a young man banging his head against a wall.

They said he was high on a very dangerous drug. His friend, also high but slightly more in control, was trying to stop him but wasn’t much help.

I’ve seen this too many times. A young guy helping himself to water from the gutter, I remember a young girl, barely a teenager, resting her head on my sister’s lap in the market for over 30 minutes after taking Colorado.

That’s how many young men and women have ruined their lives. Out of desperation, ignorance, or lack of guidance, they’ve thrown their futures away.

I even heard of a story where a girl was manipulated by her lecturer. He took her to the Ikoyi marriage registry to marry her legally, but her friend saved her just in time.

The girl had confided in her friend, telling her she was getting married to the lecturer that month, but was sworn to secrecy by the man.

On the day of the supposed marriage, her friend, remembering the conversation, called the girl’s mother to ask if she knew.

That’s how they managed to reach the Ikoyi registry just in time to rescue the naïve girl from a terrible mistake.

Victims of ignorance and peer pressure.

I wonder how my mother (God rest her soul) would have reacted if any of her daughters had found themselves in such a situation. God forbid.

I still remember the day she dropped to her knees to give thanks to God when her house, the inheritance she wanted to leave for her children, was spared from demolition by the government.

One of the tenants, who knew the lead soldier assigned to oversee the demolition, intervened and saved the house.

The soldier remembered how kind the tenant had been to him back when she sold food in the barracks during his cadet days, and out of gratitude, he marked the house as safe from demolition.

It’s amazing how far an act of kindness can take us.

What made the situation even more remarkable was that two landlords from our street, who were supposed to be kind neighbors, had celebrated the night before, expecting the house to be torn down.

They were envious that my mother owned her own home in the same community.

They were in for the shock of their lives when they saw the house marked “good to go.” Without a word, they hopped on their shabby bikes and sped off.

Victims of envy.

Not that military men are saints either, because in Nigeria, if you want to break traffic laws, all you need is a uniformed policeman or soldier in your passenger seat, and you get a free pass to drive like a madman.

Victims of stupidity.

I’m tired of writing, but I’ll never get tired of talking about these issues. So join me this Friday night as I go live on Instagram to discuss it all.

Since no one is talking about it, I’ve appointed myself a committee of one to talk sense into this senseless generation and I implore you to join me.

Mark your calendars and set your reminders. I go live on Friday at 7 pm.

Thank you for reading till this point.

Your sister, Fisayo Patrick.